Masks and Frosting
by aemaly
Summary: Sirius Black has a flair for the dramatics of makeup, though his parents don't approve of his choice, what they don't know wont hurt them, it'll hurt him though, (way out of order from the canon of the marauders, but kinda the same, also imagine that they all go to Hogwarts at like 14 instead)
1. Chapter 1

Sirius hurried through the train station, his mother constantly snapping at him to slow down, he couldn't he was finally going to Hogwarts! He could wear his cosmetic mask, be himself, and not have to worry as much about his family, he knew there was an extent they would let his rope go, but he was willing to stretch it.

"Sirius," his mother told him, once they reached the platform.

"I want you to behave, sit with your cousins, and don't. Mess. about." she said sternly. He nodded, she shoved him over to his cousins Bellatrix and Narcissa, who snickered to themselves.

"And," she said, pulling him over once more, before delivering a swift smack to the back of the head.

"That is for rushing so harshly, you'll make people think you look desperate," she scolded, he looked down, rubbing the back of his head a bit.

"No honey, you know why these things happen?" she asked, her tone changing to a gentle nurturing voice.

"So i can be the best…" Sirius muttered,

"Good, now here, eat this on the train." she said, handing him a small chocolate bar.

He just nodded and smiled at his mom before getting on, she never smiled back of course as that would give the improper impression to bystanders.

He was about to sit down with his cousins, as instructed, before he heard the laughter of someone his age in another compartment, looking towards the two girls who will no doubt tease him, he went to the other compartment where there was a boy laughing with crazy hair, and round glasses. As well as a red haired girl, and a boy with black greasy hair. Sirius was horrified, how could anyone have longer hair and not even keep it clean?

"This seat taken?" he asked, interrupting the scowling two, as well as their laughing friend.

"No, please, join us." the cackling one offered, Sirius sat down,

"We were just leaving," the redhead glared at the giggling git and grabbed the other boy, tugging him with her.

"Ello mate, i'm James, James Potter," he said extending a hand.

Sirius felt a bit nervous, if his family found out about his interaction with a Potter, he'd be in trouble, but the boy didn't look as awful as his parents made his kind out to be, he just seemed hyper really.

"Sirius, Sirius Black." Sirius said, shaking the boys hand as well.

"Ah, one of the Blacks are you?" he asked,

"Sadly yes," Sirius frowned, knowing that his family had to come with time to other people, in order for acceptance. Potter didn't seem to bothered though, he laughed even.

"So, what house you wanna be in?" he asked,

"Gryffindor," he said, carefully, making sure his cousins weren't somewhere nearby. James froze.

"Really? I wouldn't have pegged you for that," he said.

"And what would you have pegged me for?" Sirius asked, quirking a brow.

James shrugged, shoving his hand into a box of every flavor beans.

"Hufflepuff," he said nonchalauntly.

"Prick," Sirius laughed. And they were friends from there, soon a boy with many scars named Remus as well as a mousy boy named Peter joined them, both seemed reserved till the other two broke them out off their shells, all laughing away and having a great time, till Sirius remembered the bag in the upper compartment that held, what he felt, was creative freedom.

"Hey, hey guys quiet for a second." Sirius spoke up, a devious smile coming to his face.

"Who wants to bet i can seduce someone on this train before the ride is over?" he asked, everyone raised their brows skeptical

"Have fun?" James says, giving him a questioning look, Sirius got up and reached into the overhead compartment pulling out a purple bag

"I will," he says in a slightly feminine tone before strutting down to the bathroom.

"What's he got planned?" askes Peter, quirking a brow.

"I dunno but it'll be great." James smirks.

The group continues to laugh for another twenty minutes, and Remus was beginning to wonder where Sirius was, when SHE entered. God she was gorgeous, raven black hair, grey eyes, sharp cheekbones, she was wearing all black with her collar unbuttoned showing off a little cleavage. Dark lipstick and winged eyeliner.

"Hey boy's, anyone sitting here?" she asks, in a feminine melodic voice, raising a perfectly carved brow, gesturing to the seat beside Remus.

"They were," Remus said scooting over, the other two looked at her shocked.

She strutted over and sat down and crossing her legs as she sat next to him.

"Whats a hunk like you doing here without women swooning over you?" she asked turning to Remus, who blushed furiously.

"U-um…" he stutters.

She extends a hand with semi-short nails painted black.

"I'm siri," she smiles, her perfect white teeth shining.

"Remus," he smiles, shaking her hand.

Something about her felt vaguely familiar, but Remus couldn't think straight.

"It's so hot on this train!" she sighs, fanning herself with her hand and undoing the top button of her shirt, opening up her chest. All three of them blushed furiously.

"Now Darling Remus, what do you say we find a compartment to ourselves and get to know one another?" Siri asks with a sexy smirk, her plum colored lips raising.

"I-i," he stutters.

'I-i want you," she whispered in his ear in a seductive mocking way.

He blushed red, and she smiled widely before breaking down laughing. They all looked shocked.

"Told you i could do it!" she exclaimed her voice suddenly matching…

"Sirius?" James asked, shocked.

"Power of makeup and push up bras boys." he smiled, those plump, plum lips spreading out to her-his cheeks.

"I-i don't even know what to say…" Remus stutters, still bright red.

"It's okay, i know i can be a little… confusing, but you'll get used to it soon enough." he smiled, nugging Remus on the shoulder.

Suddenly a girl with straight black and blond hair came to the door.

"Have you seen my cousin Sirius Black, he's gone off and i can't find the useless low life." she said with a sour face.

"Sorry honey i haven't seen him, but by that i hair i don't think your one to talk about useless low lives." Sirius said in his feminine voice. Her eyes widened and she turned red.

"Sirius! Take that off before more people see you!" she snaps.

"Sorry Narcy dearest, but i plan to keep this on, ya know it's okay to be jealous, my eyeliner doesn't look like a slug afterall." Sirius said, still in the feminine tone, shooting a look from over his nails.

Narcissas face turned into a scowl.

"Fine! Be a freak! See if i care!" she snaps before slamming the door in his face. He smirked and turned back to his friends,

"Now where were we?"


	2. Chapter 2

As all the first year students arrived via the boats and shuffled into the great hall. Sirius was dreading the part where the sorting hat will undoubtedly announce Slytherin, and he'll likely be sorted away from his new friends. Sirius was happy, however that he filed out the registration form, his parents too busy to do so. And for his name just wrote, 'Black' of course his parents didn't proof read and simply signed it, trusting that their son would get into Slytherin, otherwise the consequences would be terrible.

As McGonagall went down the line till she got to the B's, her brows furrowed.

"Black?" she called out, as a question.

Sirius stepped up and strutted over sitting down and crossing his legs in a feminine posture he had practiced for hours. As the hat was placed on his head it perked up.

"Hmmm! Tricky, not much going this way, but also not much that way… right in the middle, you really could be either. Better say…" 'here it comes' he thought.

"Griffindor!" Sirius perked up and a big smile came to his face, as he got off the stool and struts over to the Griffindor table, seeing all his relatives and family friends over at Slytherin scowl from beginning to end, gave him no greater joy.

As he sat down a thought occurred that one of his cousins could easily tell his father about their makeup, but could easily say it was just a prank that he did with one of the girls, it would be worth the punishment if he could keep his cosmetics.

"So what's your name?" a first year girl asks next to him.

"Siri," he responds in the same Feminine voice.

"I'm Lily," she smiles extending a hand, clearly not remembering their first encounter was actually with him.

Soon Potter, Lupin, and Pettigrew, joined him at the table.

After dinner they were shown to the Griffindor common room, there was a whole thing about him even going into the boys dormitory as he looked so much like a girl.

"If i'm not supposed to be in here then why is my luggage already in here?" he asked, his voice suddenly back to it's normal deep tone. Everyone stared as the prefect looked confused and he just snapped and waltzed in, sitting on his bed he sees his three new friends are also sharing his dorm with him.

"Your a riot," James laughs, as he takes out a makeup wipe and goes by the mirror.

"Yeah, it's fun to confuse people," he chuckles.

"There's the mask," he says a few minutes later, showing the once white makeup wipe now coated in foundation and eyeliner.

"What's the weirdest part about makeup?" asked Peter,

"This," he said before pulling off his eyelashes and putting them into a box. They all stare.

"Welp, imma change." he said, grabbing some clothes and heading to the bathroom.

"Really? We're all boys we can see each other naked." James said lazily, Remus blushed though.

"Honestly Hunny, i'm not gonna let you get my clothes off on the first date, god!" he said in the feminine voice, before grabbing a jar from her bag and going into the bathroom. They all look at one another.

"We're basically living with a girl aren't we?" Peter whispered.

"Yup," James said, not looking up from his suitcase, till he pulled out his pajamas and got changed.

Sirius came out a few minutes later in an oversized band t-shirt, sleep pants, and something blue smeared all over his face.

"The hell is on your face?" asks Remus.

"It's a face masks, keeps away acne, and gives elasticity." he said, pulling out a magazine.

After about fifteen minutes he goes to the mirror again.

"So you all never seen a face mask?" he asks.

"No?" james says, as a question. Sirius starts picking at it a little before going up and sitting on his bed.

"Pull this, slowly." he said, James looked confused but pulled the small tab before letting go in horror at the fact it was peeling.

"Oh god!" he exclaimed Sirius just laughed and went back to the mirror to remove the rest.

"There see that?" he asked going up to James with it,

"No! Get it away!"

"Oh don't be such a girl, that's my job! Those are all the stuff that was stuck in my pores." he laughs at the horrified look on James's face, before throwing the face mask thing away.

"I'm traumatized…" he mutters, as Sirius flops down onto the bed.

"Do your parents know?" asked Remus.

"Know what?" Sirius asked, visibly tensing up.

"About the whole makeup, and Siri thing?" he asks.

"Not really, they'll probably find out eventually though, that'll be a weird conversation." h says, picking at the polish on his nails.

"Well, we should probably go to bed." Remus says finally.

"Aight, night." Sirius said, pulling the curtains shut as the lights snuff themselves out.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning the three of them wake up to Sirius screaming to get up, his face already covered in makeup, though less then the train and he's already dressed.

Today wearing just mascara, liner, and a nude lipstick with a little contouring to make his jaw more feminine.

"Wake up! And i thought i was bad, we gotta get down for breakfast boys!" he yells, saying the last part as Siri.

They all roll out of bed and get dressed ad Siri is nice enough to wait for them, though complaining the whole time.

"Can you not?" James asks finally.

"Sirius can, but i don't put up with any of your Bullshit!" she snaps, that confuses all of them, but they go along with it, before going down to breakfast.

"Siri! Why weren't you in the girls dorms last night?" asks Lily Evans, confused.

"Lets just say that me and the boys were… having some fun," she said with a smirk. Lily furrows her brow, surly Siri is too young to be doing THAT.

At their first lessons of the year, all the teachers seem to only call her 'Black' instead of Mr and Miss, as if they themselves are confused about it. Siri/Sirius doesn't mind, just another label to them.

As soon as classes are over they all go back to the dorms to start homework, and talk more.

They also change out of school clothes, and into regular stuff, Sirius is again, all black, except for a blue oversized flannel, over their shoulders, and their long black hair tied back into a bun.

Remus kept catching himself staring, transfixed by the boys beauty, the way he bit the end of his pencil as he thought, and how his body resembled both a mans and a woman's.

"Remus, i know i'm irresistible but you really must focus on your work," Siri said, without looking up. Remus blushed furiously and kept his eyes pinned to his book for the rest of the assignment.

Classes all went by smoothly the first week, and when the weekend came, James was the first to wake up for once, Sirius was usually up first to do his makeup.

"Guys wake up! It's time for breakfast!" James said, going around and shaking each one of them.

"Go away Bitch…" Sirius groaned covering his face with the blanket.

"Commmoooon, it's time to eat!" he exclaimed.

Sirius groaned, but got up all the same, everyone froze, this was their first time seeing him without a shirt, and there were scars… burns to cuts, scrapes to gashes. All of them seemed healed, but they still looked awful.

Sirius didn't notice, he just took his shirt off last night because it was hot. He went to take a shower and they all looked at one another.

"And i thought yours were bad," Peter muttered, gesturing to Remus who tensed, and his heart started racing, the subject was quickly dropped though.

Remus wondered what could cause all those marks, he couldn't be a werewolf could he? No, there wouldn't be burns then, they didn't look self inflicted either. Sirius came out in a black and red crew neck and skinny jeans, his hair tied into a bun.

"No makeup?" James asked surprised.

"Nah, don't feel like it" he said, fiddling with a ribbon to tie around the bun, and pulling a few strands out.

"Alright, should we go then?" asked James once everyone was dressed.

They all made their way down, and Sirius got a few questioning looks.

"Who's he?"

"I dunno but he kinda looks like Siri don't you think?" people whispered, Sirius smirked a little as he sat down and poured a cup of coffee.

"You drink coffee?" Remus asked, never having seen him do it before.

"Warm liquids take off lipstick too quickly," is all he mutters before.

"Where's Siri?" Lily Evans asks them finally.

"What do you mean?" James quirks a brow.

"Well, she's normally with you, so." Sirius looked up at her and his eyes bulged.

"What did you did to your face Evans?" he asks, looking at her poorly applied makeup.

"Do-do i know-" she stopped mid sentence at the realization, her jaw hanging slightly open.

Sirius sighed.

"You have a date?" he asked, she slowly nodded her head.

"Oh hell, no, meet me in the common room after breakfast, we'll fix that shit, your too pretty to walk around like a clown." he stated. Lily blushed.

"What- what's wrong with it?" she asks.

"Want an honest answer?" he asks, all the girls at the table shooting him a glare, as if to say 'what does a boy know about it?'

"Yes?" she says, more as a question.

"Well first of all the foundation is too dark for you, and it might be passable but if you do you gotta blend down the neck, you didn't set your concealer making to crease, your eyeshadows unblended, and your eyeliners gonna smudge, and your brows… god where do i start on the brows?" he says, staring at the hairs on her forehead she tried and failed to make look even

"Don't worry i got some thread, we can shape those nicely." he said finally.

"S-Siri?" Melene asked suddenly, all the girls looked shocked and the boys just looked confused.

"What did you think i was doing in the boys Dorms all the time?" he asked, quirking a brow.

"I dunno but… damn…" Melene said, speechless.

After breakfast James, Remus, and Peter went to their dorm wail Sirius got out his makeup bag and grabbed a few products, the likes of which none of them ever seen.

"Siri!" Lily called from downstairs. Sirius grabbed all the things, including a spool of white thread and headed over to the girl dorms.

"You can't go up the-" Lily stopped her words when Sirius reached the top without the slide forming.

"But- i thought you weren't…." she trailed off.

"No, i'm not, i'm Siri!" he said in Siri's voice before taking her hand and leading her in. all the girls piled in to watch, wanting makeup tips themselves.

"Okay, lay down, this may hurt a bit." he said, taking the thread and twisting it around till he had a hair pin shape. Lily looked at him cautiously as she laid down on the floor, heer head in Sirius's lap.

"Now it'll feel like im ripping your brow off, just trust me." he said, before closing the thread around the first few stray hairs.

"Oh my god!" Lily cried, trying to sit up only to have Sirius push her back down again.

"Calm down we got like three left on that brow." he said, casually,

"I don't wanna do this!" she cried, as he does the bottom of the hairs.

"Please honey you should try plucking if you really want some pain," he said, holding her down.

In a few minutes both brows were dont and he showed her a mirror.

"See, i didn't take off your brow," he said, fumbling around for his primer and foundation.

"Now, look at me." he said taking out a brush and applying both.

"Now this is much more your shade, though it's also my shade too so you can't have it, but if your gonna use the other one do this here, where i'm going on the neck and ears." he explained.

"And if you want just a complete matt, you don't really have this problem right now, but later on. Shave off that little peach fuzz you'll get on the upper lip and cheeks."

"But i'm a girl!" Lily protests.

"Girls get it too, it's just a suggestion though. As for contour, which imma show you how to do, you want to go two shades darker then your foundation but no more. And when doing it focus mostly on blending up," he said, having her watch in a mirror while doing it.

"What about like Drugstore makeup?" asks one of the girls sitting on the beds.

"I mean i would say Nyx, and Covergirl are good brands, in the muggle world, but i personally don't like Maybelline, just because their not cruelty free and they just never work for my skin, personally." he answered.

"Okay, what type of eye look are you wanting?" he asked Lily, showing heer two palettes, one looking like a rainbow of colors and the other more neutral.

"I'm thinking something green, to complement the red in your hair, nothing crazy, but enough to say 'hey i'm here and i'm ready to be seen' ya feel?" he asks.

"Um… yes?" Lily says, confused.

"Great," he starts going through what brush does what and how to to apply each layer, till she had a cut crease with just a little camo green thrown in.

"For brows, you just kinda drew them in a line, you wanna follow your natural brow shape, or in this case, the one i gave you. So your gonna do this motion," he says doing swift feathering movements.

"And really if you take a pencil or something you can see where they need to go. They need to start here, arche here, and move down here." he said showing her with a brush.

"And remember eyebrows are sisters not twins," he throws in, though some people only half got it.

"There see if you feather it in, then t looks a lot more like natural hairs, then just a block of products."

"Now usually when doing eyes you wanna apply more setting powder afterwards, then immediately brush off, because that gets any shadow fallout to just brush right off, i didn't do that because these colors really don't have a lot of fall out but the green, now close your eyes, and don't. FUCKING. Move." he said in a dangerous tone as he took out eyeliner.

Lily did as told, and he explained the wing needing to follow the lower lash line.

"There is that it? I mean just lipstick and setting spray i think," he said, before taking out a dark nude color and applying it to her lips.

"Now close your eyes and hold your breath," he said, before spraying a bottle of liquid on her face four times, and fanning it.

"And we're done, have fun on the date!" he smiles before getting up to leave.

"Woah!" Lily exclaimed, looking at her makeup.

The two of them walked out to see James in the common room, he turned around and froze.

"You look… beautiful!" he exclaims.

"Too little too late," she snaps and walks out.

"Yas! Work it sister!" Siri says, snapping their fingers, before heading up to their own dorm.

"How'd it go?" asked Peter, as he played with a snitch.

"Good, she looks far better than that horrendous makeup she had earlier, but she's pretty without it too." he says, putting away the makeup.


	4. Chapter 4

As lunch rolls around the post comes,

"Hey! I got a sorting present from my family!" Remus beams.

"I did too!" added Peter, holding up a slightly bigger parsel proudly.

"Um, yeah i think i win," James says, dropping a big box on the table.

Sirius tried to hide the howler that he had gotten, trying not to show the embarrassed.

"Did you get one?" askes Remus, to Sirius.

"No, but i uh… i got a letter," he said getting up.

"Is that a howler?" asks James, furrowing his brows, Sirius didn't respond and just went to the dorms the three of them look at one another before following him. Halfway up the stairs, he opens it they hear a shrill female voice.

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK! HOW DARE YOU DISGRACE OUR FAMILY IN SUCH A GASTLY WAY! GRIFFINDOR, PUH! YOUR LUCKY WE DON'T BURN YOU OFF THE FAMILY TREE RIGHT HERE AND NOW, ONCE YOU GET HOME I SWEAR YOU ARE IN FOR HELL! Oh what will my parents think. AND WHAT IS THIS ABOUT YOU SHOWING UP LOOKING LIKE A GIRL, WITH MAKEUP AND EVERYTHING! WE DID NOT RAISE A TRANNY FAGGOT! THROW AWAY EVERY BIT OF MAKEUP OR I WILL PERSONALLY STORM INTO THAT DORM AND THROW IT INTO THE FIRE! SO I PROMISE YOU IF YOU SET A FOOT OUT OF LINE I'LL SHOVE A HOT FIRE POKER DOWN YOUR THROAT!"

They all hurry in to see him sitting on the bed, looking stressed, tears welling in his eyes, as he tries to blink them away.

"Sirius?" asks, James, going up, and sitting by him.

"Don't know what i expected," he chuckles humorlessly.

"Here," Remus said, reaching into his sorting present and handing him a handful of the candy. sirius chuckles.

"Thanks," he says with a small smile, taking all the hard candy's and leaving the chocolate in Remus's hand.

"I got some bug bombs, we can release them on the Slytherins if you want?" James says trying to make him feel better.

"My mom sent me some fairy cakes, you can have one," Peter throws in.

Sirius laughs, trying to break the solemn mood.

"It's fine guys, my mom is just worried about status and reputation, it's not a big deal, we all do things that disappoint our parents in some way or another," Sirius said, getting up and stretching

"But your house shouldn't be one of those," James said,

"Hey can we seriously not talk about this?" Sirius asked, his shoulders pulled together tensely.

"'Sure," Remus sighs.

"Well, i gotta go floo call my mom and thank her," James said, getting up and taking the box with him.

He sat in front of the fireplace, as soon as his mom answers he thanks her,

"What's wrong honey i know somethings up," she said with a worried tone.

James breaks down crying at the thought of it and tells his mother all about Sirius, how he wears makeup ad what his mother said in the howler, and how that morning he saw his torso covered in scars.

"Mom… do you think you could put together a sorting preset for sirius, just a small one?" he asks.

"Of course honey, no mother should be ashamed of their child, whether it's house, or something as silly as makeup, now tell me some of the things he likes." she said.

James told her everything he knew, he often wore Vanilla, or lavender scents, he liked purple and blue and green, wasn't a fan of chocolate from what it looked like, obviously likes makeup, and on two occasions he's seen him eat confetti frosting straight from the container with a spoon." his mom smiles at that. He tells her he's also seen him reading comic books, called Batman, but doesn't know where to find it. His mom hums in agreement and says she'll do her best to get some of that stuff.

Once the call ended and he walked back in, Sirius was sitting on his bed with that comic book thing again.

"So you wanna set off those bug bombs?" James asks with a devious smirk, Sirius grinned.

Within two days Sirius had received a package from Ms. Potter, and he was shocked to find it filled with comic books, that weren't just batman, a note attached to them 'i tried to find as much as i could find sorry they're not all batman,' and a jar of lavender moisturizer, and some suckers, with a few mood changing lipsticks and growing false eyelashes, as well as a big jar of confetti frosting.

Sirius didn't know how to react at first, he didn't want to say he'd never gotten a present, cause it wasn't true, but he never got one for no reason like this, in his family gifts were for achievements, his last christmas was four years ago because he had made a good impression on the extended family a week earlier.

He thanked James and told him he'd write her a thank you, and got the address, when going into the empty common room to write it that night he broke down crying in shock, James was absolutely spoiled with parents that amazing, the parents in fairy tail books,

" _Dear Ms. Potter,_

 _Thank you so much for your parcel, it means the world to me, i wasn't expecting anything even if i did get into Slytherin like my parents wanted. Presents have always been for achievements, it was wonderful of you to send this, i hope you have a lovely day/ evening/ whenever you get this, and your son is a wonderful friend to have around, always making me laugh._

 _Sincerely, Sirius Black"_


	5. Chapter 5

Six weeks into school there's a visiting day, for parents to come and see their kids and their achievements and, if given permission, to leave the grounds overnight. Sirius didn't sleep that night, thinking about the howler he got from his mother a couple weeks ago, James helped him out by putting his invisibility cloak over his makeup, and other things and they hid them under James's bed, where if worst comes to worst they could say they were James's, and his parents wouldn't bat an eye.

As the day came Sirius just wasn't himself, not the same confident nature they had all come accustomed to, instead he was jumpy, scaring at the slightest noises and touches. James Peter and Remus knew something was up, just didn't want to make assumptions.

After breakfast parents slowly came to see their children, bringing home baked goods, and presents for the kids, James's and Remus's parents were some of the first to show up, Remus's parents were nothing like Sirius thought, he thought they'd be more like his, instead they brought a bag full of different chocolates, and drink mixes. Giving him hugs and praise on every little thing.

As it got to be eleven Sirius thought his parents might not be coming, so he went to talk to James and his parents. It was quiet pleasant, they had this warm energy that made him feel safe, till the door opened, and Sirius jumped off the bed as if it was made of Lava.

"Sirius, darling, come here." His mother said, with a smile on her face, trying to be welcoming. His father was behind her with a frown, neither of them giving off any such energy.

The room went quiet as Sirius went up and him mother wrapped him in a hug, the strangest thing he had ever felt from either of his parents. They didn't hug him, yes they hugged Regulus, but that's because he's a child.

"Let's go into the hall to catch up," Wilbora said with a smile, his father place a large hand on his shoulder and guiding him into the deserted hallway.

They walked a waise till they reached a dimly lit part,

 _Smack_

Wilbora's hand made contact with Sirius's cheek.

"The hell are you thinking! Association with blood traitors like that! Do you know how that hurts me? How that hurts your family?" she asked, disappointment clear on her face.

"But mom, i-"

 _wack_

"Shut up, and listen when i'm speaking!" she hit him upside the head.

"Those people aren't like us, they're not our kind, would you associate with a rabid wolf? No, so why would you associate with uncivilized, filthy-"

"Your wrong!" Sirius blurted, without thinking.

His father stepped up he towered over Sirius and almost looked like a half giant, his ringed fingers curled before his fist made contact with Sirius's lip and jaw, his head jerking to the side as his lip split open and a few drops of blood fell from it.

"Sirius, you must do our bloodline proud, yes you were sorted into Griffindor, and you better not have anything to do with it, but try to act how we raised you, just a few weeks ago we hear you've had detention, TWICE!? And wearing makeup to your sorting? Infront of the whole school?! Prank or not, how would your ancestor feel? Now, make some proper Slytherin friends, okay darling?" she asked. Sirius just nodded, holding his jaw.

Both his parents grabbed their arms and exchanged looks.

"We must go, but come i'll walk you back," his mother said, putting on a kind tone.

Sirius didn't say anything, and looked at the floor.

Right outside the door to his dorm his mother stopped him, it sounded quiet in there, but still some muttering could be heard.

"Sirius," she says, grabbing his arm.

"I want you to know that when these things happen, it's because we love you, we just want you to be the best you can be." she says, sweetly. Sirius just nods, he's heard this before, it's always her apology.

"Now, go clean up, we'll see you next time. here, " she said reaching into her pocket and handing him a piece of chocolate.

"Eat, you'll feel better," she says, before lightly patting his unhurt cheek and walking out of the common room, Sirius watched her leave, looking over the chunk of chocolate he had been given.

He didn't like chocolate, it reminded him of pain, walking in, he saw all eyes had turned to him.

He coughed nervously and threw the piece of chocolate in the bin, Remus and his family looked horrified at how chocolate was used in such a way, to try and manipulate your child,

"Sirius…" James started.

"It's all good man," Sirius smiled, trying to put up his confident front., using his hair to cover his face.

"Well… come join us kiddo," Mr. Potter said, as they all got up and sat down on the floor, the Lupins joining them, Sirius shrugged ad sat with them.

"So yeah, then we set off like four bug bombs and got detention," James laughed. Sirius froze, why was he telling them that? Was he asking to get punished?

His father laughed though, and his mother just shook her head.

"I told you not to add those there Charles" Ms. Potter told her husband. Sirius was confused, not even a scolding, but… that's what you do, something is done wrong and you get punished as a result… or at least he thinks that's how it's supposed to go…

"You have such pretty eyes Sirius, why do you keep your hair in your face?" Ms. Lupin, asked.

"I mean your sons eyes are pretty too," Sirius said cockely, winking at Remus who blushed, they all laughed. Sirius knew that most people in the wizarding world weren't homophobic, just his parents were a special case there.

She reached over to brush Sirius's hair out of his face, he pulled away before she could completely, but she saw enough.

"What happened?" she gasped, causing heads to turn.

"Uh, i- i fell down the stairs, i'm a bit of a clutz," he lies.

"Thats a lie Sirius," James says bluntly, Sirius was the most graceful person he knew.

"Whatever, it just happened, calm down, "Sirius chuckled, his heart pounding.

The parents looked at each other.

"So James what's our next plan to terrorize the Slytherins?" Sirius asked, changing the subject.

"We could put slime in all their shoes? Or fire ant powder in their robes. Oh! Enchant all their wands to backfire!" Sirius spoke quickly and charismatically, to prove nothing was wrong, that only made the parents worry more, how he acted like it was normal.

"So Sirius," Ms. Lupin speaks up.

"Remus tells me you doo makeup, and that you want to be a cosmetologist," she smiled.

He nodded, a bit hesitant at first, but the non judgmental look on everyone's face gave him reassurance.

"Any tips for me?" she joked, but he could kinda see she was genuinely asking, Sirius still wanted to tread carefully.

"Well… it looks really good, but judging by your arms and lower neck, you could probably get away with a warmer shade of foundation, this works fine but if you go away from the cooler shades it could make you have more of a match to your current skin," he explained, she nodded, pleased with this answer.

The seven of them talked till visiting was over, and parents had to go. Peter and his family went back to their house till morning, as per request, so as the parents hugged their kids goodbye Sirius was surprised to be hugged by not only Ms. Potter and Lupin, but also Mr. Potter. He was flushed after they left.

"What's wrong?" asked James sitting across from him.

"Nothing… um… just- uh- different family dynamics, my family isn't really big on hugging," he stuttered, a bit nervously.

"You say it like you've never been hugged before today." Remus snorts. There's silence and both James and Remus's faces fell.

"No…"

"No, no, no! I've been hugged! Just, my parents see it more as a thing for children, like… once you reach a certain age it's improper," he shrugs.

"What age?" asks James.

"Well, i was around eight i guess," he shrugs again, not understanding why they both gasped.

"Are you serious?" asks James.

"I'm always Sirius," he jokes

"That's crazy…" James mutters.

"Just how it works, now are we gonna go down to dinner, i'm starving!" Sirius says, getting up.

The other two look at one another before following.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day Sirius is wearing cherry red lipstick with eyeliner so sharp it could kill a man. People in the school were used to his fluctuation between Siri and Sirius, but that didn't stop them from trying to tease him, whenever he heard though, they got hell. Once going so far as to jinx a fourth year who said he looked like a prostitute, turning his uniform into a tight layer of ropes, that wouldn't come undone unless burned off.

Siri was known to be a spit fire, one to not take crap, but her and Sirius almost seemed to be two different people, Sirius, always option for a subtler approach to revenge where Siri lays it out right on the table.

Sirius started noticing something though, Remus always disappeared, once a month, at the night of the full moon, and would turn up with some type of new injury.

It wasn't hard for Sirius to figure it out, his parents know someone called Greyback who was a werewolf, but Remus was so unlike Greyback, always smelling clean, and keeping things picked up, being kind and polite and folding his socks! Who does that? Sirius asks the other two about it and they confirm something's off.

"Remus,"

Sirius says, one night wail it's just the four of them.

"Yeah?" he asks, looking up.

"When you disappear… where do you go?" he asks. Remus tenses up.

"I-i have doctors appointments, away from here," he lies, visibly starting to sweat.

"A doctor in the middle of the night?" James raises a brow.

He looks like he's ready to explode, and Sirius doesn't like it, he knows how it feels to be like that.

"We know your a Werewolf Remus, and… it's not a problem," he says. Remus's eyes widden, he looks almost relieved, but also terrafied. In seconds he goes froom panic to tears.

Sirius hurries over and puts an arm around his friend.

"Hey, deep breaths, in for four seconds," he tells him, Remus does as told.

"Hold for a count of seven, one, two, three," Sirius counts to seven,

"And out for eight," he finishes counting for eight seconds, they repeat this a couple times as the other two watch, gobsmacked.

After a few rounds of that Sirius grabs Remus's face to look at him, Remus studys the pink glossy lips to the purple smokey eyes.

"I know what it's like to be possessed by something evil, but that does not make YOU evil, it's an entirely other entity that you have no control over, and that is not your fault. Now breath, because this information is safe with us," Sirius says in a reassuring voice. A few more tears leaves his eyes, and though they all know his feelings on the matter, Sirius hugs Remus and rubs his back till finally Remus pulls away.

Sirius reaches into Remus's night stand drawer and hands him one of his many chocolate bars.

"Here, eat this, you'll feel better" he tells him.

Remus takes it, peeling open the wrapper and biting off a chunk.

They're all silent for a while, till Remus looks back at Sirius who's still sitting beside him.

"What did you mean?" he asks.

"What did i mean by what?" Sirius quirks a brow.

"You know what it's like?" he asks. Sirius's breath hitches, before he slowly breaths in and then out.

"Table that for another day," he says calmly, worry evident in his face, before e flattens it.

"Why hide the worry?" asks James to him.

"Because it causes wrinkles you dingbat!" Sirius counters, as if the most obvious thing in the world. They all laugh and it's like nothing was ever said, later that night Remus explains how painful the transformations are, and how much it hurts, James and Sirius look at one another,

"Are you thinking what i'm thinking?" "i hope so, otherwise you're too stupid to pull it off Hunny."

They still refused to tell Remus what this plan was, to make it

'More bearable' for his transformation. He's told them many ties that they shouldn't go near him while he's like that, and they've assured him they won't, but he doesn't believe them.

When full moon comes, he makes his way to the shrieking shack, there he finds a peculier sight. There's a black dog, a rat, and a Stag al there, almost as if waiting for him.

"The hell?" he asks, himself, before his eye catches sight of the moon. He feels it happening, his body morphing and changing, it hurts like hell, but soon his brain turns to mush.

"Don't hurt the animals, don't hurt the animals, please don't hurt the animals?" he begs the wolf in him.

He remembers glimpses throughout the night, the animals being by him the entire time, he doesn't know why, they follow him, and let him chase them, then they chase him, as if the wolf is having… fun.

When he wakes up, he's actually not in the shrieking shack, like usual. He's in bed, down in the infirmary at the school, his friends around him, laughing and joking.

"Hey Moony!" Sirius says, no makeup on, and going over beside him.

"See any cool creatures last night?" he asks, with a smirk.

"How-how did you-" he stutters.

"Don't worry about it, just know that you're never gonna go through one of those nights alone again, at least not at school, i promise," Sirius said, giving his shoulder a squeeze, Remus looks down at himself, there isn't a single new scratch, they kept the wolf busy long enough that he didn't reduce himself to shreds?

Remus smiled at his friends, before leaning back, able to rest easy.


	7. Chapter 7

As october comes Sirius has become somewhat of an icon to the girls. They're all asking him to help them with halloween looks, but he says the best he can do is give them tips and not actually do it.

On Halloween day, right after breakfast Sirius locks himself into the bathroom, till the Halloween party is only ten minutes away.

"Padfoot! Seriously! We're gonna be late!" Peter calls in, wearing a cat costume.

"Hang on i have like five more then i'm done!"

"Five more of whaaaat!" James whines, thirty seconds later he walks out… they all freeze, he had painted his entire face and chest black with a white skeleton over it, and then stuck small rhinestones over the entire thing. With a leather jacket over it, using a stiffening spell to spike his hair straight up in a wavy mohawk.

"How do i look?" he asked, with a smirk.

"Shiny," Remus says. Sirius smirks and they all go down to where the party is held.

It's lights everywhere, and they are insanely reflective off of Sirius's face and chest, drawing attention.

He struts in and goes over to a girl dressed as a princess.

"Hey darling, care to dance?" he asks her, provocatively.

Everyone's shocked, they could have swore Sirius was the gayest guy they'd ever met, yet there he was dancing with a second year like she was a precious gem.

The three of them watched as Sirius made his way around, dancing with both guys and girls.

"Welp, i guess he's cooler than me now…" James says, grumpily, in his pirate costume. Sirius comes up, pushing his hair out of his face, and out of breath.

"How's the night for you guys?" he asked.

"Well your stealing the entire crowd," James mutters.

"Not my fault, maybe you should try actually asking someone," he sasses.

"I have!"

"Besides Evans!" Sirius rolls his eyes, before a girl comes up and asks for a dance and Sirius waves at them as she pulls him onto the floor.

"Ask someone… right… i can do that…" James says going over to a girl and she says yes, leaving just Remus and Peter.

"Are you gonna ask someone?" remus shouts over the music.

"Nah, you?"

"Maybe, if the right persons free." he says. Watching all the people dance, he's not gonna ask someone, if someone asked him then sure, but he wasn't gonna go ask.

So that's where the two stayed the rest of the night, as Remus watched Sirius make out with some guy in the corner, and James in the other corner doing the same but with a girl.


	8. Chapter 8

Christmas rolls around the corner, and Sirius wants nothing more then to stay here with his friends for the holiday, however all of them are going home, and his parents even sent a letter telling him he was going home for christmas, no question about it. He ran around the room packing essentials like clothes and books, but honestly he wondered why his parents even wanted him there.

"You going home for the holidays?" asked James, walking in.

"Yup, mother and Father decided it, they say they miss me," he lied, sounding casually.

"Okay," James nodded, nervously. He had hoped he could have asked Sirius to join him and his family for the holiday.

"Why don't you come down to my house sometime Eh?" he asks, hopefully. Sirius pauses, and turns to look at him.

"Uh, my parents really want the whole family together this entire time, like cousins and aunts and uncles and other relatives," he explained, tensely.

"Okay, well don't be a stranger, owl me whenever you can, okay?" he asks,

"Of course, every chance i get." Sirius smiles, putting the last of his things in his bag before locking it shut.

The next day the four marauders are in a compartment on the way to the train station and are joking around.

"Wait, wait, wait, so how old were you?" asks James, as Sirius told them when he got into his mother's makeup and drew on the mirror.

"Like five or six, i covered my face in red eyeshadow and it stained for like a week," he laughed

"Anything from the trolly dears?" asked the woman coming up.

Sirius stood up and got a tub of frosting and a spoon.

"Seriously?" asks James.

"Your just jealous because i can eat whatever and stay skinny you pig!" he countered, jabbing a spoon in his direction.

"Hey! Guys! Look, we gotta meet up sometime over this holiday, okay?" Remus says excitedly,

"I want to be there already!" Peter whined.

"Here Peter dear you're just having a sugar crash, have some frosting." Siri said, taking Peters spoon and giving him a scoop full.

"That's way too sweet," he mutters, putting the spoon down,

Sirius just shrugs and eats the entire container.

Once at the train station the four of them get off, Peter seeing his parents right away, heads off with them. Remus and James see their parents together and insist Sirius comes and says hello, not that he protests.

"Hello darlings!" Ms. Potter said happily, pulling all three boys into a hug. Once pulling away she looked at them.

"Would you all by chance like to join us for christmas dinner this year?" she asked, looking directly at Sirius, making him shift uncomfortably.

"We'd love to Euphemia! What time?" asks Ms. Lupin.

"It'll be at five o'clock on christmas day." she smiles before turning to Sirius, who had just spotted his parents, staring coldly at the group.

"What about you darling?" she asks.

"Sorry, christmas is a big family thing, all the cousins getting together and all that, i gotta go." he rushes out. Euphemia's eyes narrow upon the spotting of the Blacks.

"Bye guys," he says, giving a quick fist bump to Remus and James before taking his trunk over to his parents, there was no hug exchanged, his father simply tightly gripped Sirius's shoulder and they all apparated out, back to number 12 Grimmauld place.

The parents all sigh and turn to their sons,

"Well boys, should we head home?' they ask. Remus and James exchange looks, but nod, and go their separate ways.


	9. Chapter 9

Sirius got home, said hello to his brother, and went to his room before his parents could find a reason to get more mad, they already were just by seeing him talking to Half Bloods and 'blood traitors' not to mention the numerous times his cousins have probably written them telling about all the pranks him and James played on the Slytherins.

They would wait though, at least till after the family festivities, then they could punish him in peace. That's somethin he always found odd, they say it's normal, that all families do this, but why tell him not to talk about it? Is it not polite? And why do his friends act so callused at the mention of his parents? They were alright, he thought. No different from the other Slytherins parents, except for a few minor details.

As the family started to arrive he got into his dress robes and put on a face that said, 'i'm happy to be here' though everyone his age knew he wasn't.

He went downstairs and found his uncle Alphred, Sirius's favorite relative by far. A kind soul, but wouldn't hesitate to give you a lickin' if you did something really wrong, not his parents definition of wrong, their just stricture he guessed.

As all the guests left his parents sat down in the parlor to have a glass of wine and told him to pick up, he did so, knowing impending doom was approaching.

He spent about forty-five minutes doing the dishes, picking up trash and wrapping up leftovers, as he was done and tried to hurry upstairs his mothers shrill voice called out.

"Sirius!" he turned slowly and walked into the parlor.

"Did you finish?" she asked.

"Yes," he said.

"All of it?" she asked, getting up and going over.

"Yes," he answered

She nodded and turned to his dad.

"Good, now, why don't you tell us why you're still speaking to such filth?" she sneered.

"Their my friends..." he mumbled, she grabbed the front of his robes and threw him onto the floor.

"You could have easily made new, better friends if you didn't harass the Slytherin children so." she spat, jabbing the end of her high heel into his stomach. He stayed silent, that's what your supposed to do, isn't it? Take it like a man, as his father said.

"Now we have a list of all the things you've done.

"Bug bombs, slimed shoes, exploding flowers, bleeding eyeball poppers, sleeping potion in the tea, AND leaving empty alcohol bottles around the common room, are only a few of them." his mother lists.

"Their just pran-" she kicked him in the face with her steel toed heel, something Sirius is convinced was custom made just for this.

"I don't care if it was the nicest thing on earth, you should not have done that!" she hissed, delivering a blow to his neck.

"And your gonna pay for this," she said, walking over to her wine glass and taking a sip.

"But what's worth enough for it…" she ponders tapping a manicured nail on her glass the clinking filling the room. He knew not to move, not to fight back.

"Just use THE CURSE honey," his father spoke up, as if it was the simplest thing in the world. His eyes widened, they couldn't be talking about-

"The Crucio Curse?" she asked, giving it a thought.

But wasn't it unforgivable?

"I'm too tired for this, you handle it dear," she said, heading upstairs.

His father waved his wand, making his dress robes disappear and he was now in his Hobgoblins shirt and a pair of sweatpants, his favorite shirt… but one his parents wouldn't mind messing up. Sirius tries to get up to apologize, maybe if he says sorry he won't have to do it,

"I'm-"

"Shut up!" his father snaps, sending him flying to the wall and pinning him to it.

"This is not a punishment to be inflicted lightly,you understand?" his father asks, Sirius nods furiously, trying to get away, fear boiling up inside him.

"CRUCIO!" his father yells, without another word, Sirius falls to the floor writhing in agony, his vision cloudy, his mouth dry as a desert, his body feels like it's being pulled in every direction will being simultaneously beaten. He can see why this is unforgivable, it's as if someone screwed open his head and poured lava inside, filling him to the brim, fit to burst and burn heat spilling over his tongue and out his mouth burning his lips and cheeks.

Slowly it's fading away, his father had stopped the curse, and he opens his eyes, his ears ringing like mad. His vision unfocused, and he thinks about what to do, he sees the floo. Remus… he thought, no, it's full moon tonight… James…

His eyes seeing multiples and pulled himself up stumbling forward.

"What do you think your doing?" his father hissed, unmoving, big mistake.

Sirius is just able to grab a handful of powder as he steps in.

'Stop!" his father cries.

"The potters!" Sirius yelled, throwing it down and everything starts spinning, even worse, he feels like he's gonna be sick, like the world is falling in on itself.

Suddenly it stops, Sirius falls forward into a dark clean parlor. He felt bad for likely getting blood on the rug.

"James…" he gets out, just loud enough to be heard as a whisper upstairs. He grabs onto the coffee table, trying to get himself onto one knee.

"James!" he calls, louder this time.

There's a fumbling noise by the stairs and lights flickering on before James comes running in, taking in the sight.

"Oh my god…" he mutters, before rushing over to Sirius, helping him up.

"Here, sit," he tells him, pulling him to a kitchen chair neer by.

"Mom!" James calls.

"Shh!" Sirius groans, his ears thumping in his brain till they could burst. His heart in his throat.

"I'm… i'm sorry, i didn't-" he was cut off.

"No, no, no Sirius you did the right thing by leaving. What did they-"

"James?" his mother calls hurrying down the stairs, pulling on her housecoat. She freezes as she sees Sirius, who doesn't know it, but has blood dripping from his mouth and ears, cuts and bruises on his arms, and a big gash on his forehead.

"Oh my god… did they…" she gasps, at a loose for words, not wanting to say it, they couldn't not to their own son?

"It hurts," he mutters, slumped over the table in front of him.

"James, get your father," she says rushing over to Sirius.

"Honey, can you hear me?" she asks softly, he gives a faint nod.

"We're gonna get you to bed okay? Your gonna be fine," she tells him, he nods again, his eyelids growing heavier, till they shut, he wonders if their going to open again.


	10. Chapter 10

Sirius jumps awake, gasping for air, he looks around and sees he's in a blue room with green sheets laid over him. His Hobgoblins shirt torn to shreds, as he had suspected.

Slowly he gets himself to his feet, feeling light headed for a moment and going to the window, things are fuzzy in his mind as the light blinds him. But as his vision adjusts, he can think clearly

"Shit…" he mutters running a hand over his face, feeling a bandage on his head.

He slowly walks out the room and down the hall till he finds stairs, he hears the clattering of dishes, and the faint mutters of people talking. Slowly he walks down the stairs, into the parlor, which connected to the kitchen. He sees Mr. and Ms. Potter having breakfast and James playing with his food. The stair creaks under his foot, causing everyone to look to the doorway.

"Sirius," Ms. Potter gasps, hurrying up to help him.

"You shouldn't be up yet," she says, leading him to a chair.

"No, it's okay i just… i dunno i guess…" he sighs rubbing his head, a dull pain still lingering all over his body.

"'Common lets get you breakfast and you can tell us what happened if you want too," she emphasized the last part, giving him a plate of eggs and bacon. He eats slowly, nothing having any sort of taste to it, just thinking about what happened, how his mother just said she was tired and for his father to handle it, how they acted like it wasn't a big deal but at the same time like he was in deep shit. It confused him so much. Was it right or wrong that they did that?

"Sirius?" Ms. Potter said, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah?" he asked,

"Can i get you anything?" she asked. Sirius said the first thing that came to his head.

"Concealer," he blurted, Sirius always did cover up with humor. James just wondered how he could make a joke in what rough shape he's in.

"What day is it?" he asked, looking at the calendar on the wall.

"The twenty fifth," ms Potter told him. His eyes widened, and a small smile came to his lips, what he was thinking was hardly funny though. His parents used to always say, every year, 'you ruined Christmas again,' no matter how good he acted, he viewed it as a joke, even though his parents implied that his very presence was a menace.

"Sorry," he muttered finally.

"What, you have nothing to be sorry for," Euphemia said, sitting down next to him,

"I didn't know where else to go, and i-i uh, i kinda ruined your christmas." he muttered, looking at the mug of coffee in Mr. Potters hand, god he would kill for a cup, but something in him told him not to ask, not to be ungrateful.

"Pads, how long has this been going on?" James asked, nervously.

"Just tonight…" he muttered looking down at the table, god he was glad it was just tonight they took it too far.

"I don't think that's right honey." Ms. Potter frowned.

"What… what do you mean?" he asked.

"When have your parents hit you before?" she asks, as if it were the worst thing in the world.

"Just for disciplinary stuff," he muttered, trying to convince even himself now that that's all it was.

"Son, that's not discipline, that's abuse." Mr. Potter said slowly

Sirius's head started throbbing as the light came in through the curtains.

"I think…" he started.

"Yeah?" they all ask.

"I think i need to go back to bed." he mutters. Ms. Potter nods understandingly, and helps him up to his room. He laid down and closed his eyes, and fell into a mind numbing sleep for most of the day. With someone checking on him every hour.

There was a knock on the door, at noon, Ms. Potter had called the Lupins and asked them to come over early, guiltily asking if they could help cook. Explaining that Sirius showed up last night in rough shape was enough and they showed up with crockpots full of food.

Remus walked in and asked where Sirius was, James took him to his room, and you could hear Sirius softly snoring as you walked in.

Remus stopped in the door, looking at the bad cut on his forehead and the bruise on his cheek, right under the eye.

"What happened?" he asked.

"He wouldn't tell us, i don't think even he knows the extent of it." James sighes.

The bed stirs, and Sirius opens his eyes, smiling a little.

"Watching me while i sleep Moony?" he asked, Remus being the first one he saw.

"How are you?" he asked.

"Fine," was the default answer.

"No, really?" REmus asked, kneeling beside Sirius, who thought for a minute.

"Alive," he said finally, bringing a hand out from the covers to rub his face.

"Damn, what part of you didn't they hit?" he asked.

"Dunno, haven't really looked, everything sorta hurts, that's the point though i guess." he muttered the last part, sitting, up and patting the bed for both of them.

They all sat and leaned against the wall.

"What happened?" Remus asked.

"Remember when i said i knew what it felt like?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah,"

"Well the Cruciatus curse made me think i REALLY know now." he sai playing with the sheets, the two of them looked at him in shock.

"They didn't…" James muttered.

"Wanna know the sad thing?" Sirius asked tilting his head against the wall and looking at them.

"what? " Remus asked, his heart breaking at just how hollow the boy's eyes were.

"That's the first time i ever thought they were close to crossing a line, they didn't even cross it for me. I just panicked and ended up here, i think the floo." he said, ruffling his brows thinking.

"I'm really thirsty, it's not like a normal thirst it's like, three days worth of thirst." he chuckled, picking at some dead skin in his fingers.

"I'll get you some water," James said, getting up to get his mom.

"How can you laugh when you've just had an unforgivable done to you?" asked Remus.

"Wasn't the first time, they've used the imperius curse to make me clean for forty eight hours straight," he said, Remus was about to wrap his arms around Sirius out of instinct bt instead thought better of it, and placed his hand in his.

Sirius played with Remus's fingers, tracing the lines on the back of his hand. Remus decided Sirius wasn't one hundred percent there as himself, which he couldn't blame him, you hear stories of people going insane from these curses, so he was fine if Sirius was just humming and tracing lines.

James and his mom came back with water, and it was gone in seconds.

"Thanks," Sirius said with a small smile, still playing with Remus's hand.

"James told me," Ms. Potter said, Sirius hadn't even noticed the tears in her eyes, his vision was a little blurry. He shrugged.

"I mean,people survive it all the time, it's not a big deal," Sirius mutters letting go of Remus's hand and playing with a ring on his own finger.

"Mom i think this is the dissociation thing," James whispered,

Euphemia nodded. There's a thing with people who are put under this curse, they have a few moments of temporary euphoria, known as the dissociation, some get stuck in this stage so it's good to try and pull them out as soon as possible.

"Sirius, do you know why your parents did it? Obviously theres no good reason to, but did they have one?" she asked, his face fell, sadness coming to his eyes, replacing the hollowness

"Kinda, i remember one of the reasons…" he muttered.

"What was it?" she asked, he looked up at her.

"They called me a blood traitor, because off my… friends…." he forced out, looking like the most guilty person in the world.

"darling, come here," she said, leaning in to hug him, he flinched and put his hands in front of his face.

"Sorry," he muttered, putting his hands down and looking away.

"Hey, honey no need to be sorry, common you wanna go down and have something to eat?" she asked. He nodded slowly, hoping to get people to stop worrying.


	11. Chapter 11

James dug through the cupboards trying to find it, till finally he pulled out exactly what he was looking for.

"Here, Pads, confetti flavored." Sirius did a small smile and took the tub of frosting and spoon. They all sat in silence, Ms. Potter and Mr. Lupin in the kitchen working on dinner, Sirius curled up in an armchair with his knees pulled to his chest thinking, finally he broke the silence.

"James?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah?" James said, what did he need him to do? Beat up his parents, climb to the moon, he'd do that right now he was so dedicated, willing to do anything to make his friend feel better.

"Do you have a shirt i could borrow?" he spoke, sounding close to broken, like he was being a bother asking for a shirt when his was already torn beyond mend.

"Oh, yeah, let me go find one your size, it might have to be from like three years ago though," he joked, earning a courtesy smile from Sirius, who thought it was lame, as he took another spoonful of frosting the only thing that seemed to have some flavor to it right now.

James came back with a plain black shirt and one of his flannels from his current closet, knowing how much Sirius liked the baggy ones.

"Thanks" he said, taking it and heading to the bathroom. People nearly jumped out of their seats as he teetered back and forth insisting that he had it. He did make it to the bathroom though.

He winced as he took off his shirt, it looked almost like burnes, some cuts having been bandaged, and others with healing ointment on them, slowly fading back into themselves.

Sirius sighed, god was he ugly right now, he knew he wasn't ugly, generally pretty good looking, but right now, he was a mess.

He borrowed James's brush to break through the knots in his hair, and tying it back into a bun, before putting on the black shirt and green flannel over it.

He walked back out and sat back down in his chair, ignoring all the eyes watching him.

"So how's christmas?" he asked sarcastically, trying to find something anything to lighten the mood and make them all worry just a little bit less. They expected him to be broken, they were ready to pick up the pieces, when really this was just another thing in his life, he didn't see the big deal, it had always been this way, it was nothing new, yes a new punishment, but honestly he wasn't al that surprised his parents did it.

"Did you guys open your presents?" he asked James and Mr. Potter. They shook their heads.

"You should do that," he said, for the first time noticing how horse his voice was, did he scream during it? He couldn't quite remember. He just remembered the liquid fire in his head.

They called Ms. Potter and Mr. Lupin into the room and opened presents, the sullen atmosphere slowly melting away into jokes and pictures being taken. Sirius laughed along too not getting most of the families inside jokes, but liking them all the same. James even got a new racing broom, along with a Hobgoblins hoodie that made Sirius miss his now wrecked shirt. He got it from his uncle when he took him to a hobgoblins concert when he was twelve, saying he'd grow into it, he hadn't he hasn't grown since eleven except in height he assumed, never having to replace his clothes, and having only gained about ten pounds between eleven and fourteen.

With the somber atmosphere broke they all got to talking about their favorite holiday memories, suddenly however they all turned to him, hoping for a memory, when he didn't really have any, suddenly the somber mood was back in the air. 'Poor abused Sirius doesn't even know what Christmas is' he thought before slowly getting up.

"I'm gonna go lay down," he said, heading to the stairs, Remus cringed at how he could almost hear the aching in each step.

He and James exchanged looks and Remus decided to go up and sit with him.

Walking in a few minutes later with a big bottle of water and the frosting tub he saw Sirius just sitting on the bed playing with the ends of his hair.

"Hey," he said, coming up and sitting down.

"I don't like it," he said.

"What?"

"Your all prepared for me to just shatter, when really i'm feeling pretty, stable, a little sore but other then that okay. Everyone keeps thinking it's this big awful thing, when really, i'm over it. I've thought about going back home multiple times but your all convinced it's some awful place, it's just… my house though." he shrugs, turning to Remus.

"I think that just proves you've already shattered…" Remus sighs, watching sadness spill into Sirius's eyes.

"I don't like to think of it that way, it's just… it's just how i am, i deal with what's handed to me, no matter how shitty you all think it is." he said, fiddling with a split end.

"Look, i don't know what you delt with, but it's manipulative at best, making you think it's not that bad, just proves how bad it is," he says, lacing his fingers in with Sirius's

"I just want my normal back," Sirius sighs.

"And what is that?" Remus asks.

"Being a complete shit head to the Slytherins with James while you yell at us not too," He chuckles.

"Seriously." he said.

"I am serious! Pun not intended." Sirius said.

"Padfoot, that'll happen soon, but you've got to heal up first." Remus said.

"Well if someone would just wave a wand and make me heal," he muttered.

"These aren't that kind, you know head wounds are delicate stuff," Remus said, brushing the hair away from the bandage on his head, expecting him to flinch. Instead Sirius leaned into it, and moved his head onto Remus's shoulder.

"Take a nap with me," he said, pushing them both back onto the bed.

"Why?"

"Because your warm," Sirius sai.

"I think your dissociating again," he chuckles.

"Actually i'm not, i'm just tired and cold and you radiate heat," he said, wrapping his arms around Remus's torso, and snuggled in, in seconds you could hear Sirius's soft snoring. Remus sat there for what was probably longer then it felt like just playing with that long black hair, that always seemed to hypnotize him, with how smooth and shiny it looked.

Suddenly the door opened and Remus's dad walks in.

"Uh, i can explain." he said. His dad just shrugged.

"Doesn't bother me, but i'm here to tell you dinner's almost ready, and Charles says to let him sleep if he can." he said gesturing to Sirius Remus nodded, and slowly pulled his arms from around him, and using a pillow as a replacement.

They all ate dinner quietly having a small conversation here and there, sure it wasn't the happiest dinner party, but they all wanted to be there, ready to pick up the pieces because they knew that the glue would soon run out.


	12. Chapter 12

Sirius spent days in bed in intervals. One day he was down, acting happy as possible, the next he was in bed in too much pain to move. Remus visited every day, often getting there very early mornings to see Sirius quietly by the fire thinking. The fire was always lit, because they feared someone might come through the floo and try and take Sirius away. He ate every meal, and Ms. Potter kept trying to push more and more confetti frosting on him, but really just nothing had any taste anymore. They had made a doctors appointment the day he arrived, but couldn't get him in till two days after christmas. It was a healer who specialized with this kind of trauma, and explained that the part the wand is aimed at often suffers the most, in this case his mouth and head, causing feeling of numbness in his tongue and giving him awful headaches, depending on how long he experienced it would change how long it lasted. It couldn't have been more than a few minutes, Sirius thought, but he hardly remembered any of it, all of it had been compartmentalized in his head to seem not as bad as it was, and the doctor stressed to the Potters that this could be a pitfall, Survivors of abuse often feel codependent on their abuser, and often feel the need to have some form of contact, no matter how harmless it may seem.

This at first didn't seem the case for Sirius, as he never talked about his family unless it was brought up. However they soon saw the ragged T-shirt under the bed, he slept with it close to him, and though it seemed harmless the healer said to be careful because things could snowball at times, but she felt Sirius was doing okay mental wise, not having too many episodes of dissociation, and talking about what he was feeling with a therapist, who came to their house a few times to just talk, if case he had anything to sort through, in the short amount of time.

Remus came one day, a week before they had to go back to school, the sun was down still and he saw Sirius sitting by the fire, the ragged t-shirt in his hands.

"Hey," he said, coming up and sitting on the floor next to him.

"Hey," Sirius muttered, a small smile on his lips.

"I have a question…" Remus asked.

"Shoot," he said, without looking from the fireplace.

"Why do you keep that shirt? Doesn't it hold a bad memory?" he asked, expecting Sirius to get upset, instead his smile grew a little.

"'No, my uncle took me to a concert when i was twelve and got it for me, it's one of my happiest memories. Beside you saw how i wore it around all the time at school, it smells like Hogwarts, the feasts and the pine trees at the forest. It's a comfort i guess, it reminds me of happy times," he reminisced. Remus breathed a sigh of relief, it wasn't him trying to keep a bad family to grips, it was just him trying to remember good times.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"A lot better i think, my tongue isn't so numb anymore, and the headache is starting to go away, so thats good." Sirius smirked,

Reaching over Remus gave his hand a squeeze, Sirius wasn't a hugger, never has been, but he was happy with hand holding, especially when it was Remus.

"Any news on, them…" he trailed off, not wanting to say it, this was his first time inquiring about the subject.

"They were detained about three days ago, said you don't need to attend the trial, they have pictures and stuff as evidence." Remus explained.

Sirius hummed to himself and played with Moony's fingers. It wasn't a dissociation thing, it was just calming to him, Remus's soft warm hands in his cool callused ones, it was nice to him. And humming, well the Potters constantly had the record player going, so songs got stuck in his head a lot.

"How are your parents?" he asked, trying to make small talk.

"Their fine," Remus answered, seeing Sirius's expression change.

"Whats up?" he asked.

"I'd be an awful parent." Sirius confesses.

"I don't believe that, i think you'd be good." Remus said reassuringly.

"But there was a time i thought i was going to be prepared, because i had such good parents, that taught me how to handle a screaming child, turns out all of it was a lie and i don't even know right from wrong anymore." he sighed. Sirius hadn't expressed this to anyone.

"Padfoot…" Remus didn't know where to start, one look at the boy and you knew he wasn't like his parents, didn't even resemble them except his fathers black hair.

"Why do you wake up so early? He decided to say, changing the subject as Sirius really didn't want to hear protests to his thoughts.

"Nightmares…" he muttered, letting go of Remus's hand.

"Of…" he trailed off,

"A lot of it about fire and heat." he said,

Remus, grabbed Sirius's hand again and helped him up.

"Let's get you back to bed." he said.

"Not tired," Sirius said bluntly.

"What if i go with you?" Remus sighed, holding Sirius's hand in both of his and kissing the side of it.

"okay," he said, and they both went up to his room where they laid down.

"I need to get my stuff from there eventually," Sirius said as Remus pulled the covers over them, holding Sirius close.

"Think about that later," he shushed, and Sirius snuggled close to him. This is the reason Remus comes over so early, he loves to make sure Sirius gets back to bed, especially if he "drags" Remus there with him.

They woke back up around breakfast, Sirius being the first one up, and seeing Remus had an arm wrapped around him, holding Sirius close to his chest. Sirius pushed off a little, causing Remus to stir.

"Breakfast," Sirius muttered, getting up and going to the bathroom. Remus sat up, if he held still he could still feel the raven haired boy in his arms.

He walked out to see the bandage on his head had finally come off, the Healer had given him some creams to use to help it heal faster, and by the looks of it, it was just a nasty scar now, that was mostly hid by the hairline.

The two walked down stairs to see only Ms Potter up, making some tea.

"Morning boys," she smiled.

"Morning," they both hum.

Remus went to make breakfast for the two of them, one thing they've all notied is Sirius doesn't really inquire about food, even if he's hungry, put it in front of him and he eats it, otherwise he kinda just leaves it.

He poured two bowls of cinnamon sugar oatmeal and put milk i both and berries on one before bringing theme to the table.

"Thanks," Sirius smiled, going and taking a few strawberry slices off of his and biting into them.

"How did you two sleep?" asked Ms. Potter.

"Really good," Sirius smile at the berries, finally glad to have some kind of flavor back in his mouth then just numb mush.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, sitting in between the two.

"A lot better," he says, taking a bite of his porridge.

Ms. Potter perked, up she was starting to worry he'd have to miss school and wait to go back till he was feeling better. And the way Sirius talked about school she knew he'd be heartbroken if that was the case.

"Today, can we arrange for me to get my stuff?" he asked suddenly. Ms. Potter tensed up, does he really want to go back to the house?

"Sure, or we can buy you some new stuff," she suggests.

"Well all my homework and stuff is there, as well as school books, i'll need to grab that at some point," he explained.

"Sure, i'll call the Aurors and tell them we're gonna go there," she sighed as everyone came down for breakfast

Sirius was confused before remembering it's probably like a crime scene of sorts. He could invision police tape on the door and around the parlor.

Sirius has just been wearing James's clothes which were much too big for him, but they did their job, the Hobgoblin hoodie he got for christmas has since been surrendered to Sirius, as he wore it everywhere, them being his favorite band.

After they all ate breakfast, Euphemia called the Auror department and got approval to go to the Black house and remove all of Sirius's items. She felt sick at just the thought of that place, all the awful things that must have happened there, Sirius seemed casual about it though, like it was just another trip home. They all went by the floo, Euphemia and Charles being first, stepping into the parlor she felt sick, there was a large red stain seeped into the floorboards, undoubtedly trying to be covered up before Aurors arrived. Sirius came next and didn't look twice at it.

"That's been there for years red wine i believe," he said before hurrying upstairs to grab some things. Neither of them believed it was red wine, Remus and James came next.

"What are you two doing here?" Ms. Potter asked crossly.

"We're here to help!" James exclaimed. Suddenly a homely house elf walked in.

"So, it's come back to grab it's filthy little objects," it muttered before walking back out, even the house elves were rude to him? Euphemia walked around, seeing pictures of a young boy who looked like Sirius but with more of his fathers features, it must have been Regulus, not a picture of Sirius anywhere. Walking back into the parlor she noticed the walls, some had faces with names painted on there, others were just a stain of black, she looked it over, and wondered if Sirius was a part of those black marks.

"Ready," "he said, pulling his trunk down the stairs with a few hangers of clothes in his hand, he saw Ms. Potter looking at the wall.

"I was right there," "he said gesturing to a black mark on the wall, he said it as if it didn't matter, as if it was normal to disown your child, she was glad that she had Sirius with her now, and not those cruel beasts, and she would be damned if they ever went near either of her sons again.

"Common, let's go home." said, leading all three boys and her husband to the floo, where they went out to lunch.


	13. Chapter 13

"Please Mrs. Potter?" begged Sirius, she was trying to convince him he look fine, but the traces of the bruise on his cheek really did bug him, she had no makeup his shade, so he was asking her to put a glamour spell on him for the train ride back. She sighs.

"'Very well," she said, before casting the charm and his face morphed till it was clear of the bruise, and he appeared to have winged eyeliner and pink glossy lips, as well as a more feminine jaw. He smiled.

"Thanks Ms. Potter," he smiles.

She wanted to tell him that he didn't need to be so formal, but she had, an he didn't really listen.

James hurried down the stairs with his trunk in hand and he smiled.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

"Yes, let me just get your father," she said, for him to apparate beside her seconds later, scaring the daylights out of her.

"Your terrible!" she scolds lightly hitting his chest.

They all apparate to platform 9 ¾ where the train is waiting

Euphemia gave them both a big hug,

"I want you both to write to me as much as possible, okay?" she asked. They both nodded.

"Watch out for each other," she smiled, shooing them onto the train, they both hurried to get their trunks in and found Remus and Peter who had been on vacation this entire time.

Sirius sat next to Remus who, a habit at this point, laced their fingers together.

"Full moon in a week," he muttered, playing with Sirius's fingers, a habit he got from him.

The trolly came by, and the woman gave Sirius a sad look,

"Here deary," she smiled, handing him a tub of frosting, spoon and bottle of water, and continuing on before he could pay.

"What was that about?" he asks, opening the tub, Remus and James exchange looks.

"It's been all over the papers… the trial…" James said carefully. Sirius froze, mid bite.

"What?" he asks, pulling away.

"It got to the news what had happened…" Remus explained.

"...whatever," Sirius shrugged, putting the spoon in his mouth.

"Now, how do we make the Slytherins scream like little girls?" Sirius asks, changing the subject.

They all exchanged looks but James talked with him about pranks to do, while Remus aimlessly rubbed Sirius's knuckles with his thumb.

Sirius got stares as he strutted down the hall, his confident nature dripping out of him, just happy to be back to his normal. At the feast people kept glancing over at him, he ignored it for the most part, talking and laughing with friends.

"Siri?" Lily spoek up, he turned to look at her.

"Yes?"

"Wanna have a slumber party with me and some girls tonight?" she asked.

"Sorry, me and the Marauders already got plans." he said with a smile.

"Well, okay but your always welcome with the girls," she says kindly. Sirius had to fight an eyeroll, he knew she was just being nice, but this was the first mention of hanging out with any of the girls besides Evans, and he didn't like it. It's just because of the stuff being said in the papers, he read one saying he was traumatized for life, when really he felt fine not really any trama in his mind. Saying he'd been abused for no reason, there had always been reasons, not that they were justifiable, but there had been.

That night they all were getting ready for bed, Sirius in another one of his blue peel off masks, that James was now facinated with.

"Can i do it?" he begged as fifteen minutes were up.

"Fine, but do it slowly so it comes off in one piece," he said, James did so and made gross moaning noises all throughout the process.

"God, your a pervert!" Sirius laughed, getting into bed.

"Night guys," James said, rolling over and falling asleep.

Remus woke up about two hours later to rusting in the bed next to him, he got up and walked over, just able to make out the image of Sirius gripping the sheets and squirming.

"Don't…" he muttered. Remus didn't know what to do,

"I'm sorry…" he muttered a few minutes later, Remus sat down by him on the bed, slowly brushing his hair out of his face, running his fingers through it and taking Sirius's hand out of its death grip on the sheets and into his own.

"It's okay Padfoot, i got you," he shushes, as Sirius slowly relaxes, soon cuddling close to Remus and gripping onto him for dear life,

"Fire...burns…" he muttered, Remus shushed some more, and continued petting his hair, till Sirius was still, his breathing evening out.

They fell asleep in that position, and woke up to Peter teasing them before James hit him upside the head, knowing that Remus helps whenever Sirius has nightmares.


	14. Chapter 14

A couple weeks go by, Sirius refuses to acknowledge it, his parents were seen as not guilty, though lost custody of both their sons, Sirius heard that Regulus went to live with the Malfoy family, and he was to stay with the Potters, Sirius was paranoid about the whole thing, the teachers were going easy on him, he even set off a soap sinker in Snapes cauldron and only got a scolding!

One day everyone was in class, when there was a knock at the door, Mr. Filch walked in.

"Black! You've got a visitor." he said, Sirius felt his hairs stand on end, there couldn't be anyone to visit him could there? The potters maybe, but James is right here and they would have called him too, his three friends looked worried, as he slowly got up and walked out, even Slughorn looked worried, but continued on with the lesson, till they heard it.

It echoed through the halls, through the entire castle probably, it was a loud screaming, a scream of agony,

"Slughorn bolted out of his chair, all the students following him, down the hallways to the bottom of the dungeon, other classes were hurrying there too. Everyone froze, there was a field of clear light going around the five of them, death eaters, in masks, and Sirius Black on the floor screaming, as they all were casting a curse at him. It couldn't be, no one could survive four Crucio Curses even for twenty seconds, but he was, he felt burning everywhere, his head, his ears, his stomach, his back. It was melting at his insides, clawing away, refusing to stop. They weren't ready to stop, they wanted this boy to suffer for the betrayal on his family to the dark lord, mascara streamed down his face and neck, lipstick smeared.

Sirius couldn't see clearly, everything red, but he saw a leg, a steel toed heel on the foot.

He grabbed it and pulled his mother to the floor, her mask falling off, and the wand rolled to Sirius, he had disarmed her, making the wand loyal to him.

He grabbed it, unable to think, aim, see, speak, yet power shot from the wand, a ball of light flying to the death eaters, throwing them off their feet, de-masking them.

The forcefield around them dicinatagrated, and all teachers, including Dumbledore rushed to apprehend the Death Eaters,

"Black!" McGonagall called to him, as he used the wall to force himself up, everyone stared, he had four of the same unforgivable curse put on him, for almost twenty minutes! And he was alive, god! He forgot how bad that felt. He used the wall as support, there was a comotion behind him as his father got ahold of his own wand and was about to cast a spell.

"You'll pay!" he yelled, Adrenaline pumped through Sirius, using up the last of his strength and energy, there was another flash of light behind him, sending his father unconscious.

His vision clouded, not knowing where his friends where,

'Remus' he though.

'Where's Moony?' he was right beside him, catching Sirius as his eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed, almost onto the stone floor.

Three teachers hurried to him as his friends panicked.

"Sirous! Sirius can you hear me?" Remus begged, tears leaving his eyes.

"We must get him to the hospital wing," PRofessor Trelawney said.

"Hospital wing? Get him to the trauma unit at St. Mongos! Call the hospital!" McGonagall barked at her, in minutes a first response team of aurors and healers apparated onto the scene, Sirius's face alone was badly bruised and cut, with his lips badly burned. They rushed him to St. Mongos right away, the entire school was silent for the rest of the day, no one daring to spread rumors knowing he could very well be dead any second, for once, students seemed to grasp the real magnitude of the impending war, and the Slytherins, many realized that they didn't want to be death eaters like their parents were, if it meant doing that.


	15. Chapter 15

(so apparently chapter 10 was weird, that should be fixed but if not let me know! 3)

Two days passed, and there was a short class held on the magnitude of this event, afterwords the teacher called Remus, Peter, and James up to the front.

"You have permission, from your head of house to visit him after classes, so long as you return back before curfew," McGonagal informed them, they nodded, immediately going to the floo in the common room and going to St. Mongos trauma unit… it was deserted, only a few patience there besides the nurses one of them led them to a room which, surprisingly already had James's parents in it. They had been there since they got the news, this was a family room for them to stay in,

"Mom…" James whispered, his mother looked up, tears in her eyes as she rushed to the three boys and hugged them.

"They say he should wake up in the next day or two, but Merlin… four…" she muttered, not letting the three go for a full minute.

"Can we see him?" asked James.

"Of course, right through there," she said, gesturing to the next room over.

"Only one at a time," she told them. They nodded, James went first.

Sirius was covered in bandages, shirtless, his whole torso looked like a mummy, magic tubs attached to his arm, giving medicine and keeping him hydrated, a few of the smaller wounds, healed. But his face a mess, they would need to get a specialist in to look at his skull, Doctors said he drained himself of magic, if he were using a wand that wouldn't be as much the case, but he didn't have his then, the flashes of light were last resort responses, as well as having been exerted so much during the curse.

"Sirius…" James whispered, going up slowly. His friends fingers even bruised on the hands and knuckles.

He just sat there, looking him over, wondering how people could be cruel enough to hurt a kid, a fourteen year old kid, and some of those people being his parents.

Peter eventually walked in, talking to him about a bunch of random stuff, trying to think of what his friend would say as a witty remark to each thing, after not getting a response on the fifth thing, he had to leave… Remus couldn't go in, he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

"You guys need to go home and rest," James told his parents, they didn't protest, knowing it would at least make one of their kids feel better.

James lashed out at a teacher, dragging Peter down with him, they got detention that night, which was a shame because they had gotten news that Sirius had woken in the middle of the night the day before. Remus went to visit, after classes. He didn't know what to expect, what his friend would look like, he wished he had gone in the to see him the day before.

He walked into the unit, going to Sirius's room to see him not there, one of the nurses showed him to the entertainment room to see him in front of the TV, watching the news, an iv bag beside him with a tube going into his arm. Remus slowly walked up.

"Padfoot?" he asked, Sirius just looked down at the cup in his lap, he was wearing hospital clothes,

Remus slowly came up and sat next to him on the squishy sofa. They sat in silence for a bit, Sirius looking down at the cup of cold tea, he tried to drink it, things just came back up, things were tasteless, he couldn't walk properly, and his head throbbed. He was hit in the stomach, back, head, and his right leg.

Remus slowly took the cup out of his hands and set it on the table.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, without an answer Sirius leaned into his friend and sobbed, he sobbed in how much pain he was in, wanting to scream but his voice was too gone, barely able to manage a whisper.

Remus, held onto him for dear life, the glue ran out, and he shattered, and Remus didn't know how to fix him, if it was even possible. Sirius was currently the only crisis patient on the ward, there were a few there for falling and some for spinal injuries, but he was the top priority, as this was unheard of to survive something like that.

Over the next few days people came to visit him, Ms. Potter making a list for the people there to know who could and couldn't come, she didn't want the whole school to show up.

The Lupins brought him candy, and flowers, but kept a respectful distance, his friends visited every day, but Sirius didn't speak much, his voice still trying to return, picking at food, and what he did eat came up quickly. They even resorted to a feeding tube, that came up too, nothing stayed in his stomach for long before being rejected. He had been there a week so far, people badgering his friends for updates, they just said he was getting there.

It was a weekend, and his friends came to visit, he was working with a physical therapist on getting his right leg back to strength, every time he put weight on it, it seared with pain.

After the doctor left, he was in the entertainment room when his friends came, he was getting thinner quickly, and his friends could see it. His eyes were hollow as they walked up, James sat next to him and Sirius traced the lines on his hands, Remus felt a pang of jealousy, he didn't know why, he was just Dissociating but he wanted that to be his hand. Sirius kept tracing different words and shapes onto his arm as he watched the TV,

They all got out stuff to do homework and Sirius had picked up one of James's quills, dipping it in the ink before turning to James's hand.

"Hey, wait," he said gently, trying to stop Sirius from likely scribbling all over him, Sirius looked him in the eye, the first time he'd done it since he'd been there, there was a look of urgency in those hollows. James sighed and rolled up his sleeve, letting Sirius draw on him, while he did his homework, after about ten minutes he felt the pressure of the quill stop, and Sirius turned back to the TV.

"Woah…" Peter muttered, looking at James's arm, he looked down shocked.

There was a picture of a phoenix on it, as detailed as you could be with skin and ink. Beside it was a simple drawing, a triangle with a circle and a line through it.

"What does it mean?" he asks Sirius, whose eyes were still hollow, he just stared out the window, thinking about going outside.

"Moon…" he muttered, Remus looked up, seeing him with his arm outstretched to him from across the room. Remus hurried over and took his hand, Sirius used this to pull himself up, Remus helping him limp to the outside area in the Trauma unit.

"You wanna go outside?" Remus asked him.

"Out…" Sirius mutter horsley.

Remus nodded and opened the door helping him out into a chair out there. Sirius crossed his legs, sitting in the feminine position he often did when not thinking.

Slowly Sirius's eyes brought emotion back into them, pain rushing back through his veins and he clutched his stomach as it flipped inside of him, god he wanted to go into Dissociation again, even if he had the mind of a toddler, at least he wasn't in pain, reaching over he took Remus's hand in his and played with the fingers.

"Your hands are soft, ya know that?" he muttered, Remus blushed and smiled, that's the first sentence he's said all week.

"How do you feel?" Remus asks, as Sirius taps rhythmically on two of his knuckles.

"Hurts," he rasps, gestring to his head, and throat.

"Well we can be quiet then," Remus suggests, Sirius shakes his head.

"Talk," he said, looking at Remus's lips, unable to bring himself to look any higher, he's afraid that if he looks them in the eyes, he'll see anger, and he wants Remus to remain his kind self.

Remus talks about stuff he's read, stuff about school, and telling him stories while Sirius plays with a large ring on his finger, almost like he's trying to pry it off.

"Where'd you get that?" asked Remus gesturing to the piece of jewelry, Sirius frowns at it.

"They cursed it on… say it'll make effects last longer…" he sighs.

"Can they get it off?" asked Remus worried,

"Maybe," he shrugs, sticking a hand out,

"back inside." he says, Remus helps him in then sets him onto the couch by James and goes to tell the nurses their back inside, and asks about the ring. They say their waiting on a special tonic that when rubbed on should lift the curse and the ring will be removable. When he gets back James is asking about the things Sirius drew on his arms.

"I saw them, when it happened…" Sirius explains, hugging his knees to his chest.

"Well you can draw on my whenever," James says sincerely. Sirius then takes the quill from his ands and proceeds to draw a faloc object on his arm.

"Asshole!" James mutters, snatching the quill back, but smiling at him. Sirius gives a soft smile back before leaning into the couch. Remus sits next to him and Sirius quickly shifts his weight onto Remus's shoulder before falling asleep.


	16. Chapter 16

Sirius could walk with help, Ms and Mr. Potter came by every day and Ms. Potter always brought a brush and some hair ties for Sirius to do her hair, something about the repetition calmed him, always giving her a braid or some type of updo. It was hard to see him in dissociation over the next few weeks, always asking for Prongs or Moony, they came as much as they could. One day they asked Lily to go for a bit. She wasn't sure but wanted to help. As she arrived she saw him with a notepad and pencil as he scribbled down a drawing here and there.

"Siri?" She asked approaching slowly. He looked up and smiled a little.

"hey," his voice was coming back but not as much as he would have liked.

She went and sat next to him on the couch.

"How are you feeling?" She asked

"Im sick of that question." He groans before going back to the doodle.

"Huh?" Lily asks

"Doctors asks it nurses ask it visitors ask it even the other patience ask it. Even though they don't just take fine for an answer."

"Are you fine?" she asked.

"No! But i want to be able to say i am!" he protests, crossing his arms.

"Hey, sorry, i didn't mean to upset you, okay calm down," she asked.

"No, sorry, just- being stuck in the same space for so long makes me on edge, also i'm about to dissociate again i think…" he told her. There was the sound from the Floo and Remus came out, going up and hugging Sirius.

"How the day been?" he asked, instead of how are you.

"Boring," Sirius sighed.

"I've been through all the seasons of Doctor who, they say once i'm able to eat and walk again i can get out, but don't know when that'll be." he explains.

Remus sits beside him, taking Sirius's hand in his.

"I brought these," he said, handing him a pack of washable muggle markers.

"So you can draw rainbow dicks all over James," he laughed, Sirius smiled a little, his eyes hollow once again.

"What's going on?" Lily whispered to Remus,

"It's called Dissociation, it's kinda where his personality checks out for a bit, he draws a lot while like this," Remus whispered back, as Sirius got out a black marker and rolled up Remus's sleeve. He didn't pay attention to Remus's scars, tracing a series of lines connecting together in a sort of web, before switching colors periodically, filling them in, making a stained glass pattern, as he filled in each color you could start to see it was making the shape of a stormy sky with lightning going through.

Sirius finished and set the markers down in a pile, before lifting his arm up to Remus.

"What does he want now?" asked Lily, fascinated by how this worked.

Sirius let out a small whine, shaking his hand, Remus chuckled and got up to help him to his feet.

"Wanna go outside and draw with chalk?" he asked, Sirius shook his head.

"'Want me to read to you?" Sirius nodded Lily followed them out to the patio outside which had a small cupboard of books, Remus dug through it while Sirius looked down at his own hands, fiddling with a ring on them, as if trying to itch under it.

"How about the history of Dragons?" asked Remus, coming over. He'd rea Sirius all the books in the cupboard at least once, but neither seemed to mind. Sirius did a stiff nod, not looking up, as Remus began to read him the fairy tail.

Lily watched, shocked at how someone could go from a sassy icon, to just a shell of a person so quickly.

James and Peter showed up and hour later, seeing Remus reading to him, Sirius's absorbed in his words, they took Lily to the cafeteria.

"How does it happen though? His brain just shuts down?" Lily asked.

"Not exactly, he's in a lot of pain, so his brain disconnects from those nerves and makes him numb. It should go away as the pain does, but that could be a while." James sighes.

Lily frowns, she hopes Sirius will be alright.


	17. Chapter 17

Sirius fell asleep in a chair outside while Remus read to him, once he saw this Remus put away the book and carried Sirius to his room, giving him a small kiss on the head, pushing his hair out of his face in the process. Remus let out a sigh.

"He's gonna be alright," "he heard from beside him, turning he saw Lily there.

"I know, i just wish i could do more, or if i could have been there, then… then maybe it wouldn't have been so bad…" he grimaced. Lily rubbed his shoulder, looking down at what Sirius had drawn on his arm.

"I think he really appreciates that your here now though," she said, giving him a small smile.

"We should probably get back to school," Lily said.

"Okay, his physical therapist should be here soon anyways." Remus spoke, trying to convince himself it was okay to leave.

The next day Remus and James showed up they were nerely knocked off their feet, Sirius was in the entertainment room as usual, but drinking a cup of coffee! He hadn't had a single thing be able to pass his lips for weeks, so just a few sips of coffee was wonderful.

"Hey man," James smiled, sitting next to him.

"Hey," Sirius said calmly, his eyes open lazily.

"They gave me some sleeping draught last night, i'm a bit out of it." he explained.

"Couldn't sleep?" Remus asked, sitting on his other side, he just shrugged, playing with the hospital bracelet.

"Hey, look what i brought!" James smiled, reaching into his bag and pulling out the Hobgoblins hoodie that Sirius had claimed.

"Good! It's freezing at night!" he said, pulling it over his shoulders.

"I see your able to at least drink something today, that's good." James compliments.

Sirius smiles a little at that, taking another sip.

"Still tastes like nothing, but its a start." he said, all the same Remus ran a hand through his hair affectionately.

"How do you feel?" Remus asked, Sirius thought for a minute.

"Hungry, but also nauseous. And really cold," he said, taking another sip from the warm drink and huddling into the hoodie.

"Oh! And i can stand for a bit on my own too, still need help walking, but i'm getting there, they say there was some nerve damage to my leg." he said brightly. Remus ran another hand through the long black hair that almost reached his back.

"I need to cut my hair, it's annoying." Sirius muttered, mostly to himself.

"No, i think it's pretty," Remus countered. Staring at the shiny locks on his head.

Sirius blushed a little, fiddling with the ends.

"So any other news?" asked James. Sirius shrugged.

"Not really, your parents have been around most mornings and usually after dinner time, you lot come after school so there's usually someone to talk too… i miss Hogwarts." he confessed.

"We know pal, but you'll get back soon enough! And we can wreak havoc!" James declairs.

"I don't wanna wreak havoc right away, i just kinda wanna enjoy it, lay low for a bit, ya know?" he asked, turning to James

"Of course! You've been through some shit, i get it." he said with a kind smile,

"Wanna go outside or something?" asked Remus, after a bit.

"No, i… i wanna eat." he decided, the two boys beside him beamed, getting up to tell the nurse they all were going to the cafeteria. She told them to be back within two hours, before they gave Sirius a crutch so he didn't have to use James's shoulder.

Going down Sirius only got a small bowl of pasta. James and Remus ate with him, though only half went in, but it all stayed in, and that was a good thing.

"They don't have good pasta, i know." James chuckled.

"I don't know the difference." he shrugged.

"I could see about bringing you something from the great hall tomorrow?" Remus suggested. Sirius shrugged.

"Nah, thats okay, thanks though," he said, with a soft smile. Sirius yawned.

"Should we get you up to rest?" asked James, Sirius shrugged again.

"Common," Remus decided, taking him back up to his room where he could take a nap. Remus saw him shivering.

"Still cold?" he asked, Sirius nodded, grabbing onto Remus's sleeve and pulling him onto the bed with him.

"I don't think i'm supposed to-"

"Don't care," Sirius cut him off, snuggling under the blue blanket that Ms. Potter got him from their house. Remus sighed in defeat, secretly been craving to cuddle with him again, he mindlessly stroked his hair till his soft snores were heard.

Remus looked down at his sleeping form, his strong jawline and high cheekbones gave him that androgynous look, and his eyelashes long and thick, his gold eyes, when open, shown like the moon. And his hair, god his hair, it was straight yet wavy at the ends and just perfectly kept, even in the hospital. Though Remus couldn't think of much you could do while in the hospital.

"Well don't you look cozy," James said from the doorway.

"Don't even-"

"Nah, i'm not going to, save that for when he's better and i can properly tease you," he smirked.

"I take it your staying then?" he asked. Remus nodded, still stroking Sirius's hair.

"Okay, well i'm gonna head back and have dinner with Lily, i'll see you later?"

"What's going on there?" Remus asked, quirking a brow.

"Hopefully something." James grinned, waving a goodbye before walking out and leaving through the floo.

"Hot…" Remus heard Sirius mutter a few minutes later, he felt his forehead, but he was freezing cold.

"Fire...no…" he mumbled, squeezing Remus closer.

"Shhh," Remus whispered, combing his fingers over his scalp and kissing his forehead till Sirius was still again.

Why did he always have nightmares about fire, and heat? What was it about that? Remus pondered for a while till a nurse came in to check up, slightly taken aback to see Remus in the bed, but didn't protest.

"Hey, um, are there any books on this stuff that you could give me?" Remus asked. The nurses face softened.

"Yeah, i'll go get some for you," she said before walking out and a few minutes later coming back with a couple textbooks with marked pages as well as a few smaller books on the subject.

He read that per every second of the curse is in place it adds another, roughly, minute of healing time. Doing the math, Remus felt sick, that's almost a month and a half of healing! Reading forward it did say that effects became minimal after the first four weeks, but that the Dissociation could last for an unknown amount of time, depending on the person's mental state. Remus believes that Sirius is doing okay, hasn't really shown anything to counter it, at the same time hasn't given a lot to back it up. Remus continued reading and on the last text book found an article on someone who went under the curse as an experiment. Describing it as a hot burning, all over the body, like an endless fire through them. They described the dissociation as the only form of peace they got during that time, even their dreams being plagued even though their colleague had been chosen to perform it, they haunted their thoughts.

Remus sighed, looking down at Sirius, still asleep in his arms.

"I'll make it better Pads," he muttered, kissing his head.

"I promise,"


	18. Chapter 18

It's been a week, almost three full weeks in the hospital, but Sirius is finally deemed well enough to return back to Hogwarts. The earlies Mr and Mrs. Potter could sign the papers, he was gone through the floo. It was five at night, around dinner, Sirius thought for a bit, food lacked taste still, but he wanted to prove he wasn't dead. Mr. and Mrs. Potter came through the floo next to him a moment later.

"You gonna be alright hon?" Euphemia asked.

"Yeah, i'm glad to be back," he smiled.

"Good," she said, kissing him on the head.

"Easter sunday is in a few weeks, we'll expect you and James to come by, okay?" she asked, Sirius smiled and nodded, Euphemia pulled him into a hug as well as Charles, before the two apparate out.

Sirius carried his bag of miscellaneous hospital stuff he had upstairs. He looked down at the ring on his finger and tried to pry it off once more, they had lifted the effects of the curse, but it was still fuzzed to him. Sighing, he looked around the dorm to his bed, freezing he saw all types of cards and notes, gifts, and nicknacks left by his fellow Gryffindors as well as quiet a few of the Hufflepuffs. He smiled a little, picking up a red and gold bottle of perfume, smelling it, it was in fact rose scented. Sirius badly missed his makeup, going under his bed and pulling out the bag, he applied simple eyeliner, contour, eyelashes, and lip gloss before hurrying down to catch dinner.

It was halfway through at that time, the great hall buzzing with conversation, till everyone fell silent, once the doors opened to see Sirius walking in, in a Hobgoblins hoodie, and worn out skinny jeans.

"I survived!" he smiled, high-fiving one of the Gryffindors before taking a seat next to his shocked friends.

"Now, what do you say we wreak some havoc?" he asked, smiling at James. His shocked expression grew into that of a smile, he was putting on a mask, the three had seen Sirius in the hospital, knowing he wanted some time to sort out everything that had happened, but they would let him wear his mask for as long as he needed, so long that eventually he took it off.

And soon enough he did, and the mask was replaced with a genuine smile, even though even that sometimes faltered, he wasn't broken, he wasn't shattered, just a little dented at worst


	19. Chapter 19

-bonus!-

A few days after Sirius returned to school he was in the study hall, when a figure came to the door.

"Sirius," his voice echoed, causing many people to turn, they saw just how much they looked alike. When sirius looked up he froze, and a grin spread on his face.

He got up and hurried over, putting his hand in Alphred's for a welcoming shake.

"Hello uncle!" Sirius smiled.

"Walk with me," Alphred said, extending an arm and politely leading Sirius down the hall into the evening air, as students whispered among themselves.

"How are you feeling?" Alphred asked.

"Fine," Sirius answered, still sick of the question.

"Good," Alphred smiled warmly at Sirius.

"Wablurga has forbidden me from speaking to you, so naturally i had to," Alphred explains.

"Why?" Sirius asked.

"Oh Sirius, you're my least Detestful relation, i couldn't bare to see you leave as well, not without speaking with you once in a while." he said.

"It's been a while" Sirius admitted, as they found a bench in the corridor.

"It was not my choice, Welburga always thought of me as a bad influence," Alphred explained, Sirius chuckled.

"You did always cause a stir at family gatherings," Sirius reminiced.

"We made quite the pair at them, always running amuck." Alphred grinned.

"Do you have a place to stay, once you leave school?" he asked.

"Yeah, Mr. and Mrs. Potter took me in," Sirus explained.

"Are you safe with them?" he asked.

"Their the best people i know," Sirius confirmed. Alphred sighed.

"You didn't deserve it, they caused you to grow up to fast, you were never a child, but you still are…" Alphred grieved.

"Allow yourself to be just that for a little longer, these Potters, sound like good people, yes?" Alphred asked. Sirius nodded.

"Then let them care for you," he said sincerely, Sirius didn't know what to say,

"I don't know, it's so hard to trust anything anymore," "Sirius said carefully. Alphred nodded in understanding.

"You'll learn to trust again Sirius, just give it time." he gently patted Sirius on the shoulder and was about to stand up, when McGonagall ran up in a fuss.

"Who are you! And what do you plan to do with this boy!" she demanded. Sirius couldn't help but chuckle.

"He's my uncle, and we're just catching up Professor, nothing bad." he promised. McGonagall cast Alphred a dangerous look before slowly walking away, Siriuc could see Remus around the corner, and McGonagall whispers something to them, probably saying to keep watch.

"Old, Minerva, just how i remember her, well, it was nice to see you Sirius, i will be checking in on you frequently," Alphred said, standing up, Sirius following.

"I will look forward to it," he replies

"Though the family wont be happy about it," Sirius adds. Alphred shrugs.

"What they don't know won't because them to… deprive me of any inheritance," Alphred smiled evilly.

"See you later Alphred," Sirius smiled.

"God your to formal, it's Al to you" he says back.

"Alfie?" Sirius suggests, light heartedly.

"No!" Alphred says in distaste, before ruffling Sirius's hair,

"Little shit," he mutters as Sirius laughs

"Bye, Al," Sirius smiles, after fixing his hair.

"Goodbye Sirius, i'll see you soon." he smiles back before apparating out.

Remus hurried up as Sirius smiled a little.

"Everything okay?" asks Remus, lacing his fingers with Sirius's

Sirius turned to look at Remus, a small smile on his lips.

"Everythings perfect," he says before placing a kiss on Remus's mouth.

And everything was indeed, perfect


End file.
